We’ve all been there—you find yourself telling a little white lie without even thinking about it. Maybe you told a friend their new haircut looked great (when it really didn’t) or came up with a quick excuse to avoid plans. Lying is something nearly everyone does from time to time. Some lies are harmless, but others can be more complex and carry bigger consequences. But why do people lie in the first place? Is it fear, desire, or simply a habit? The truth is, the psychology behind lying is anything but straightforward. Everything from basic survival instincts to societal pressures plays a role.
Why Do People Lie: Dodging Trouble and Chasing Rewards
People lie for countless of reasons, and psychology offers some clear insights. One of the most common motivations to lie is to avoid punishment. Think of a child blaming the missing cookies on the dog—it’s a classic example of lying to escape trouble. But lies aren’t always about fear. Sometimes, they’re about gain. Whether it’s aiming for a promotion, seeking praise, or wanting to boost social status, lies can be a means to an end.
Interestingly, not all lies are selfish. We often lie to protect others. For example, telling a friend they look confident before a big presentation, even if their outfit isn’t your favourite, can be a way to help them feel good.
A study from University College London (UCL) adds another layer to this conversation. Researchers discovered that when people tell small self-serving lies, the brain’s amygdala (responsible for processing emotions) initially reacts strongly with negative feelings. However, as lying continues, this response dulls, allowing the lies to grow bigger and bolder over time. This “slippery slope” effect shows how repeated dishonesty can desensitize us, making bigger lies feel less uncomfortable. Essentially, the more we lie, the easier it becomes—our brains adjust to the deception.
The Impact of Environment: How Our Surroundings Influence Our Honesty
How we grow up and the culture we’re surrounded by can significantly shape our relationship with the truth. Children raised in strict households might learn that honesty leads to punishment. To avoid getting in trouble, they may start lying. Over time, this can turn lying into a default coping mechanism. Cultural norms also play a role. In some cultures, honesty is a core value, while in others, “polite lies” are part of everyday conversation.
The UCL study suggests that if lying is normalised in our environment, our brain’s response to dishonesty can dull more quickly. Living in a world where small lies are commonplace might speed up the brain’s desensitisation process, making dishonesty feel like second nature.
Survival Instincts: Are We Wired to Lie?
Lying might be more deeply rooted in human nature than we think. From an evolutionary perspective, deception could have offered our ancestors a survival advantage. Early humans who could lie effectively might have navigated social hierarchies with more ease or avoided danger more successfully. Even in the animal kingdom, deception is common. Think of animals that use camouflage or birds that fake injuries to protect their nests.
The UCL research might connect to this idea as well. As lying became a survival tool, our brains could have evolved to manage the discomfort of dishonesty. The reduced amygdala response seen in the study might be a built-in mechanism to help us deceive when necessary, without being bogged down by guilt.
Personality and Deception: Why Do Some People Lie More Than Others?
Not everyone lies the same way, and personality traits play a big part in this. Some people are natural storytellers, effortlessly blending truth with fiction. Skilled liars often use specific techniques—like mixing lies with facts, keeping their stories simple, and avoiding unnecessary details. Certain personality traits can also make lying more likely. People with antisocial personality disorder, for instance, may lie more frequently and experience little to no guilt about it. Even without a clinical disorder, traits like impulsivity or a strong need for approval can push someone toward dishonesty.
Even in Therapy: Why Do People Lie In Safe Spaces?
One might think that therapy—a safe space designed for honesty—would be the last place for lies. But surprisingly, dishonesty can flourish there too. People might lie to avoid judgment, to present a better version of themselves, or simply because it feels easier than facing hard truths. Vulnerability is uncomfortable, and admitting to certain thoughts or behaviors can stir up feelings of shame, guilt, or fear. Sometimes, clients even lie to themselves first, convincing themselves that “everything is fine” as a way to sidestep the discomfort of facing difficult emotions. Others may fear disappointing their therapist or disrupting the positive dynamic of the sessions, leading them to exaggerate progress or downplay struggles.
While saying “I’m fine” might seem harmless, these small lies can hinder real progress in therapy. When dishonesty enters the therapeutic space, it creates roadblocks to healing, as therapists rely on an honest exchange to provide effective guidance and support. In some cases, these lies can create a façade of stability, masking underlying issues that need attention. Recognising and addressing this tendency to hide behind half-truths is often a critical step toward meaningful change and personal growth, allowing therapy to fulfill its true purpose as a pathway to healing and self-discovery.
Why Understanding Lying Matters
Lying is a complex, deeply human behavior with many motivations. From dodging trouble as kids to navigating adult relationships, our reasons for lying can vary widely. The UCL study shines a light on how our brains play a critical role in this process, showing that repeated dishonesty can change our emotional response to lying itself.
Understanding why people lie can help us build healthier and more genuine connections. While telling the truth isn’t always easy, recognising what drives our dishonesty—and how our brains adapt to it—can be the first step toward living a more honest life. With a bit of self-awareness, maybe we can all tell fewer lies and embrace a bit more truth in our everyday lives.
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Resources
1. “Why Do People Lie: 9 Motives for Telling Lies” by Paul Ekman
